I’ll Admit It! I Was Ashamed of Being a Part Timer

I finally started my first official job in September 2017. I worked at a pizzeria, I was excited to finally start working and having a little income to buy miscellaneous things.  I was not excited that the only place that called back was the pizzeria. I decided to accept the job regardless of my deep concern. I hated the job before I even started.

I left the pizzeria and went to work at a retail store. I’ve always been critical of other’s opinions, hence, I was always scared that someone who recognized me would notice me working there. Every day I would come to work and begged that no one who recognized me noticed me. I am very aware of my narcissistic ways. I always thought that I was above certain  places. Then one day it happened. One of my former team leaders saw me. Throughout high school, I use to be part of this youth leadership program by Johnson & Johnson, called Vistakon, the person I was checking out was my former team leader. She asked me “What are you doing here?”  I was frozen, I lowered my head and told her I worked there. After she left I ran to the bathroom and cried. I was ashamed of working there.

When I arrived home, I kept thinking about why I was embarrassed. I texted a friend who is also a part-timer, she told me she sees old teachers all the time. I felt better that night, but I was still embarrassed to go back to work. The following day,  I talked to a classmate(a good friend) about it, she told me I was dealing with a superiority complex.

Why did I think I was above being a part-timer? I honestly cannot answer this question at this early stage of my life right now. Maybe I’m just a narcissist. Maybe I held myself to much higher standards and felt inferior working a customer service job. Maybe I cared about how others perceived me and refuse to let them look down on me.